Level Up

I'm finally coming out of the fog. The anger is receding, the normalcy returning, the lessons learned. I have a new way of dissecting my frustrations and identifying the root problems before they eat away at me, but more about that in another post.

I felt it was about time to sit down and face what has been bothering me. The personal stab I took from a job I hate so much, and care so little about, at a company that I truly adore and has been a big part of my life.

Yes, I hate my job, many people do. I hate my company as well, but to be specific, I hate the people who run it. More specifically not the actual people, but the mindset, the ideas, and the environment that has been allowed to foster the mismanagement of the concept and business I hold so dear. I wouldn't kill them or wish them harm, I just wish they would learn something and grow up.

It took one moment with a co-worker to unlock the solution to this angry, not a particularly close co-worker, but the one at hand. Most of us have actually gotten to know each other at least by name or face, thanks to the events which almost destroyed a business.

Yes almost destroyed, a disaster by any definition, but that wasn't the issue. It wasn't a special moment, just a conversation in passing. He asked "catch up on your sleep yet?" So I told him, the words just finally came forth and flowed freely from my mouth: "I never thought I would see the day, and now that I have, it is time for me to leave this place."

It wasn't that it happened, or that we had to ask for help from anyone with fingers to fix this. We needed bodies, sheer manpower and nothing more, and we recovered. What it was was that it happened, and we all knew it would happen, and warned about it, and wanted to prevent it or prepare for it or whatever. But it happened, and all those years of begging, preaching, betting, pleading, and crying about it went unheard. We were denied over and over for trying to do the right thing. It was jokingly brushed off, it was talked down to a fat chance in hell, it was blamed on lack of funds, technology, skill, or whatever excuse was available, and with the moment here, I knew I was going to walk in to the office and leave them deserted and quit because I wasn't going to lift a finger to help these morons... again.

An interesting thing happened though, I saw the morons wounded and scared, and we all knew the stakes. It wasn't my humanity for the morons that kicked in, it was my concern for all the people I passed on the way in, only I didn't know it yet. Everyone from the security guard at the front door up to the chief officers themselves. I know I don't care if I lose this job, yet others around me don't necessarily share that feeling. Many do not know their next step, although I have been preparing for some time.

As the day passed, more and more people were becoming aware something was wrong. The least likely of people would ask what was going on, and after I told them, their faces sort of changed in disbelief and fright. 40 straight hours later, I knew we had saved jobs and more than that, but there was still a weekend to work and more fixing to be done.

So yes I put my shit aside for a while and my "leaders" got credit for being "leaders", but I didn't do it for them. Whether they know it or not doesn't matter any more, they have failed in enough peoples eyes, and to me have perpetuated the ultimate failure for far to long.

What angers me is they proved me right, in the worst way possible. You cannot put your future in the hands of any boss or company. Blind faith in working hard for someone in the hopes of getting ahead is just foolish. Work hard for yourself, the impossible can happen be it good or bad.

The company has become a real Frankenstein story. I fear if the old man doesn't step in and come down heavy handed, it will continue on a path of misdirection and eventual destruction. If they don't fix this problem now, WHEN they sell the company, it will no longer be the same business. Kind of like the New KFC or the New McD's or the New Coke, it's just not the same thing we grew to love and will be another brand on some conglomorate's belt.

Why am I so mad? Because we almost became another wall street fuck-up story because a series of dipshits didn't follow basic safety protocols and standard recovery practices. Negligence, that is why I'm angry, bold faced negligence. We know we have to put time, effort, and money into running a business responsibly, but ah fuck it, that costs time, effort, and money. The reality of it is that this company has survived many problems by sheer luck and nothing more. Although we are promised change this time, and this will never be forgotten, yeah, we've heard that for all the other disasters too, and this one is no different. We're maybe 20 days out and back to business as usual.

This time I was prepared, no delusions of grandeur, no hopes for a raise or promotion, or even time off. We didn't even get a cake and I'm fine with it because I didn't expect anything more than an indirect thank you email, which didn't even come from the right people. People still think this is a nice place to work. N00Bs, they all figure it out eventually.

The banner in my cube will read "WE SAVED THE COMPANY AND ALL WE GOT WAS THIS LOUSY E-MAIL"


My resignation letter is going directly to the Chairman.

Dear Sir,

It has been an honor and pleasure to work with you and your iconic company this past decade. Your company which you worked so hard to build up over the years is fucked. Unfortunately the imbecils that are managing it couldn't kick their way out of a paper bag without hurting themselves.

I respectfully resign before it is too late and suggest you do the same, cash out and never look back.

Your legacy will not be forgotten, neither will the generation of fucktards that will surely destroy it, as they have already destroyed a wealth of other more prominent, well-established companies in recent years.

Apologetically,

The Madman.

I'm not bitter, really. I just believe that the SEC should have a WTF division that beats executives silly.

Facecrooks and twits

So I'm trying to distract myself from the fury that is doing a little dance on the back of my neck right now. I've tried a bunch of crap today, just to get my mind off the problems and back on track with my "day off". You know it's getting bad when your weekdays and weekends are really all the same, but some days you're in the office and some days you're not.

I thought I'd take a look at some of the popular social networking sites of the moment. I was intrigued because I thought someone sent me an invite, but it turns out their account automatically invited me.

Now more than ever, you must read every single thing on your screen before clicking next. The D-Bags at these sites like to sneak things in that normally, in the physical world, you'd kick someone's teeth in for.

So I sign up, and before I even hit step 4 these crap apps are asking me for the password to my email accounts. Well sure, while you're at it here are the keys to my house, car, my social security number, photo albums, and hey, would you like some coffee also?

The nerve of them trying to make it easy for you by asking for your email password so they can email all the people in your address book and spread viruses and other internet filth. Is there no end to what personal information you will be asked for? I wouldn't even ask my closest people for their email password, but step 3 has the balls to.

Don't join. Don't sign up. If you do, use caution and protection like it's a $2, well you know the saying.

Isn't instant messaging, txt, VOIP type stuff enough to stay in touch anymore? We need to voluntarily upload our lives to a reporting agency under the guise of a friend site? This is getting to be too much.

I am not dead

I am not dead. I am merely so frustrated and angered over the past 2 weeks that I cannot even write about it right now. It has been a challenge to keep the anger in check. It is as if the universe has sanctioned some mission that would create a perfect storm of triggers to test me. I would not say this will be my greatest challenge in life, but there is definitely a dungeon boss Challenging me to level up. Needless to say, lack of sleep, work, personal life, and various disasters don't mix. I try to keep bystanders out of the crossfire, but when you have a raging bull in a full charge, if you jump in front of it and try more of the same tactics that fired it up in the first place, you just became a combatant. I feel like that guy from Heroes who's trying not to go nuclear and blow up. Whoever that guy is that has that power now, I lost track. Someone cue up last season for me.